My marriage failed because I wasn't ready as man or a husband.

I was petty, I withheld affection, I could go for two weeks without talking to my wife simply because of something little she did to me.

I didn't see the need to give compliments or affirm her in anyway. I was a corky man, with a short supply of humility.

To me, I was of age and marriage was the next natural thing to do. So, I essentially checked a box without knowing what it actually entailed.

I didn’t draw a boundary of protection around the marriage which allowed third parties to intrude in ways that was not healthy.

Things got even worst when I relocated to Ghana. The plan was for me to prepare the grounds for my wife to join me. But I quickly got distracted.

Then other women got into the picture. And in Ghana, with some means of income, I essentially had a free range with women.

She eventually joined me in Ghana, but she quickly discovered I wasn't ready for her, so she returned to the States.

The infidelity continued, I got more distracted not only from the marriage but also from my primary purpose of returning to Ghana.

I could go as far as 4 years without coming to visit my wife here in the States.

Finally, I moved back in 2017 for my daughter's final year of high school. By early 2018, the marriage was over.

Basically, I screwed up!

It breaks my heart because my wife was such a good person. A very good-looking woman who did not deny me of anything I needed from her. She did nothing to deserve the treatment I gave her. I live in a constant state of regret. In fact, I tried reconciling but the trauma was too much for her.

Everyday I see scars of my actions. The most heart-wrenching of them is to see the effect of my behavior on my dear daughter. An innocent by-stander who has been deeply cut by my actions and behavior.

I'm often asked why I did the things I did. And honestly, I can point to a myriad of factors including my immaturity, and the fact that poor marriages were the norm in my family. But perhaps the most compelling reason was the fact that I did not know Christ or have a relationship with Him.

Even in my short acquaintance with Christ, I am inspired by scriptures such as Eph 5:25 "Husbands love your wives, as Christ loved His Church and gave Himself up for Her."

You see, this text would have completely transformed my marriage. When I see the depth of Christ's love for His Bride, and how far He is willing to go for Her, I see how inadequate the love I had for my wife was.

Today, I look across the landscape of my life, and all I see are litters of lessons and regrets.

If I'm to do it all over again, I will love God, and love myself first before extending my love to a woman. Since I didn't love myself, I assumed it was OK to swim in the gutter of infidelity. The Bible says, adultery defiles the body. (1Cor 3:16) So what I perceived to be a manly display of power was actually me availing my body to the rot and skunk of unfaithfulness.

Besides love for God and myself, I advise men to be leaders in their home. Quit the pettiness and the childishness. Quit the days of not talking to your wife, break the silence and bring peace. Be a leader in the marriage.

Again, be a provider. Not just a material provider, but spiritually and emotionally as well.

And finally, be willing to share of yourself with your wife. Share your life, dreams and aspirations with her.

When you are young, you think you can get away with a lot of these behaviors. But I can guarantee every man out there you will not get away with anything. Besides your conscience and memories forever holding you accountable, your child or children will bear the stains of your foolishness for the rest of their lives.

I pray that God will give men the courage to love and lead in their homes just as Christ loves and leads His Church.

God richly bless you and have a limitless marriage...

Narrated by Mr. Cephas Anyinam.
Written by Dr. Samuel Antwi-Boasiako

Limitless Marriage Series
The Grace Movement