What kind of bondage is this?

My husband was seen as the most amazing man to everyone except me at the initial stages of my marriage. He was loved by all as a gentle soul, but boy, I couldn't stand him!

Despite the fact that he woke up at 5:30am every morning to iron my uniform for work and drop me off on a 45-minute commute.

He loved my family, and will go to the extreme end to make sure their needs were met, yet I wasn't happy with him.

I am the 2nd of 9 children but I was the fifth to marry. Besides, I had been raised in an apostle's home and I had the rich experience of my parents’ marriage.

My exposure to my parent's marriage and that of my four siblings had painted a picture of an ideal husband in my mind.

Unfortunately, I was forcing my husband to be the image in my mind, but he resisted and the problems began.

First, I wanted him to wear matching outfits like my siblings did. He flat out refused. I was so hurt. He loves wearing slippers, which I'm ok with at home but for going out, that was not in line with the image I had mind. I tried to get him to change and he wouldn't.

As a diehard church girl, the thought of not going to church or leaving church early was inconceivable. But to stay home to watch English premier league, was tantamount to blasphemy. Oh my blood was boiling!

To make matters worst, on my birthday or any special occasions such as anniversary, I yearned for a gift so bad. His take was the money was ours and I could get anything I wanted. Really?

Geez... I would get mad! I will go days and at times weeks of not talking or being cold. The minute we resolved one issue, another will rear its ugly head.

Keep in mind, the whole time, he is still dropping me off at work, serving me and being a one-in-a-million dad to our children. Yet I was blinded by the fact that he wouldn't be the man I expected him to be. The image in my head!

I was imprisoned by anger and resentment in my own home. The devil took the opportunity to whisper words like; “If he loved you like your brother-in-law loved your sister, he will do what you ask him to do.” At a point, my only outlet was to inform my family. Let's just say that didn't go well. In fact, it made matters worst.

Then one day, the switch turned on. I remember saying to myself, "what kind of bondage is this?" I was not going expect him to fit the image of the man I had in my mind. I am not going to expect him to do anything. I was going to take him for who he was. It was difficult, and required a high level of intentionality.

I stopped comparing him to other men in my family. I became comfortable with him wearing anything to church. I wasn't worried about matching outfits as long as he was happy. I was ok with the slippers. If there's a Sunday, he wants to stay home to watch a game, it wouldn't be the end of the world. And if he never bought me anything for my birthday, I was going to be ok. I am not trying to sound cavalier about the situation, as it was a very hard adjustment in the initial stages.

But boy, it set me free! We began to have conversations again. His jokes were funny again. He is man of a million jokes! We started going places and doing things together. My love for him was restored and elevated. And on valentine's day or his birthday I will go all out for him. I loved him the way I wanted to love him without expecting anything in return.

Surprisingly, he started asking my opinion on clothes and footwear! What? I didn’t know if it was a trap. But I will say “honey, I will be happy with anything you wear.."

But the shocking aspect was this past Valentine's day. I came home as usual not expecting anything. I looked up the dresser and there laid an Apple watch! Whose apple watch is that? I asked. "It's for you, that's your Valentine's day gift." He responded. OMG... I was blown away. Me? A valentine's day gift? I was elated! I loved the watch even though I don’t know anything else it does besides telling the time.

This morning, you are likely waiting for your spouse to do something, change, or fit a picture in your mind. Like me, you are waiting for an apple watch or a gift. Your apple watch may be flowers, sweet text messages in the course of the day, a rich time together, more passionate or more frequent sex.

Here's the truth; an internal change has to first take place in you where you pull back the burden of that expectation. Remember, your spouse is not an image, but a real person with a unique personality and upbringing. Instantly you will observe his amazing features and deeds! And in that atmosphere of love, you will witness your desires and dreams materialize in one way or another.

Besides, Psalm 62:5 teaches us, _"My soul, wait silently for God alone, For my expectation is from Him."_

Instead of forcing our expectations into our spouses' hands, let us rather commit it to God's hand, for that is the only time our souls will find rest.

May God break that burden of expectations in your marriage and set you free to enjoy your spouse in their most authentic state!

God richly bless you!

Narrated by Victoria Agbemodzi, written by Dr. Samuel Antwi-Boasiako.

Elevated Marriages
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