I Cried, and I Cried and Cried!

“I cried, and cried and cried!”

For some reason my husband didn’t like me at the initial stages of our marriage. He didn’t respect me, and my opinion didn't matter to him. At times he was just plain mean!

To make matters worst, anytime we had an encounter I will get pregnant. With all the chaos of that season of our marriage, I lost me first pregnancy. My second pregnancy was twin boys, and I was super excited about them until I miscarried both of boys in one day!

None of my miscarriages won me any sympathies from my husband. It was one misunderstanding after another. I basically didn’t have a voice on any issue. At times I came across as repulsive to him.

I cried, and cried, and cried, but to no avail!
I got married at 31, relatively late compared to me contemporaries. My husband was based in the United States and was almost done arranging for me to join him; a dream come true for any woman in Ghana. Sadly, shortly after the wedding I became awfully sick. I was admitted to the hospital for a few weeks. A week after discharge, after losing quite a bit of weight, I was boarding a plane to join my husband in the States.

When he met me at the airport he took a long, perplexing look at me. I knew I looked different than the woman she married, but I was the same person inside. I loved him dearly and was looking forward to starting a new life with him. But at the airport, it seemed as though a switch had gone off in his soul!

Even more seriously was the complex web of family allegiances. He was the darling of the family and the family wouldn't accept that a new darling was in town. It became me against him, and his whole family. I had become an inconvenient addition, and there was no secret about that.

But I wouldn't stop getting pregnant. Finally, one pregnancy stayed. I remember crying through that whole pregnancy. I was an unloved woman in a foreign land. Eventually, I had the baby boy. I got pregnant again and this time she was a beautiful girl.

Again like Leah, the first wife of Jacob in the Bible, my children didn't bring me any favors. I wasn't working and when I asked for money the usual response was, "what for?" Or "There's food already in the house."

At a point I was emotionally and mentally exhausted. I recall throwing my girl in a stroller, just pacing the streets mindlessly. Obviously, I was in the middle of a busy road and I didn't even know it. All I remember was cars honking and screeching to a halt in both directions of the road while I stood frozen and in total panic.

Another time, I asked him for $5, and he told me he had none. When left the room, I checked his wallet and Voila!! He had a decent amount of $20 bills stashed in it. I took two bills and sat them not far from the wallet just to let him know I have seen the amount of money in the wallet. Well, when he left the house and discovered the money had been tempered with, all hell broke loose. Rage like I have never seen, name-calling, assertions, on and on and on…

More than any other day, I was convinced I didn't belong in the marriage. In fact, there were many occasions I felt like just leaving with my kids.

But I was determined to make it work. I prayed, and prayed and prayed some more. At times my prayer were all tears. My mother was not happily married and her marriage to my dad ended up in a bitter divorce. I vowed never to let that happen to me. Besides what do I do with the kids? Where was I going, how am I going to make ends meat? I was helpless and clueless. I went to my husband many times to beg him forgive me if I did anything wrong. But my pleas were met with a stony affect.

Then one day from nowhere God came through! I suggested we move to a new home as the family was getting bigger. Initially, the idea was rebuffed just like all other ideas. Later he made some inquiries and God granted us tremendous favor for new, bigger, and much nicer home. From that moment, I saw my husband softening his stance when it came to me. The trust started building up. At first I could believe it. I thought he was going crazy. Then he started respecting my opinion. We could actually sit as two adults to have a conversation without any one yelling. Oh my goodness! Just last year, at the peak of the pandemic, he lost his job and as part of his severance package, he received almost $20,000. To my surprise he came home and handed me the check to cash and keep for him! That wouldn't mean much to everyone, but considering just a few years ago I almost left the marriage over $5, trust me, $20,000 was a huge upgrade!

In addition to God restoring my marriage, I had a dream on the eve of one birthday where I heard scripture Jeremiah 31:15-17. When I woke up I quickly turned to the scripture. It was about Rachel weeping for her lost children;
_"restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears, your children will return from the land of the enemy. There is hope for the future, declares the Lord."_

And indeed I lost three children through miscarriages, but God has now blessed me four healthy, and super intelligent children!

Today, I say to the glory of God, I am very fulfilled, and happily married. I stand in utter amazement as to what God has done for me and my family.

Interestingly, after we got on good terms I asked my husband why he was so cruel to me at that time. He tried to brush it off, but I insisted. His response was shocking. "It wasn't my mind." Wow... Whose mind was it then? What or who was influencing him?

After 12 years of marriage, having witnessed both extremes of the marriage spectrum, I know this to be true; marriage is a battle that must be won spiritually before being won physically. The spiritual battle may show up in the beginning as mine, in the middle for others and in later years for another group. Whenever it may be for your marriage, someone must be ready to fight or else the devil will plunder the marriage as he has done to so many others. But with prayer, and a consistent relationship with God, every marital battle will be won in Jesus name!

Today, if your marriage has become an unbearable burden, I challenge you not to give up. Even if divorce is actively knocking on your door, I challenge to stay put and trust in God. You might have tried everything, but I challenge you to try prayer. Give God a chance to have the final say. In the end, every outcome will be for your good!
“There is hope for your future, declares the Lord!” (Jer 31:17)

Join us on Friday night on Zoom as we restore marriage back to health!
God richly bless you!

Written by Dr. Samuel Antwi-Boasiako
Narrator: Confidential.

Elevated Marriages
The Grace Movement